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I can't meet people I don't know" to like, "I'm all of sxpert sudden a people-magnet and people want to connect with me. Yep great, great, great stuff. So, I was wondering what you learned from I was kind of bringing up a situation recently, just to swanqick you a bit of context because, it was in the news or whatever. It was Robert Downey Jr. Well, that's what Robert Downey Jr. I was wondering if you've learned anything different from relating to celebrities like, you felt like you got any social or people skills? Have you learned anything from those experiences that are different and what you'd think of I don't know if you followed the Robert Downey Jr.
If you followed that and you felt like that was a Well first of all, I mean, I've interviewed just about every celebrity on the planet and I did get in trouble a few times from 20th Century Fox and Warner Brothers for asking what they described as "inappropriate questions". For example, Jason Stathom, the British action star, I was interviewing him for one of the Transformer movies and I asked him about his ex-girlfriend Kelly Brook who is the British actress and model. She was pretty. She used to host The Big Breakfast in the UK back in the day and he didn't like me asking anything to do with Kelly Brook and at the end of the interview, he complained to 20th Century Fox and then, they called me up and said, "Hey, you're not allowed to ask personal questions.
All I'm going to do is ask personal questions because, if it's not personal, what is it? All I'm doing is just promoting his damned movie. Like, I want to know about his life. So, you got this Paris Hilton and she's dating a man called Paris Something-or-Other, some shipping magnet grandson. I said to her, "What's She thought it was the funniest thing that she had ever heard and she couldn't stop laughing. For a minute, she's like laughing and at the end of it, she was like, "That was such a great question and such a great interview. Just to get back to your original question, what I found is that the best way to ask a question, the best way to get the best kind of answers is to ask someone how they were feeling about something.
So rather than saying to Robert Downey Jr. What have you learned over the last 10 or 15 years about yourself through that process of redemption? How did you feel going through, coming out of that seemingly dark period and into this period where you've got this hit movie and everything's great and you're married. There's also a lesson in there. You're saying, you're asking them to teach the lesson like, of redemption, if you like. It's not so much, "What about all those bad days? What's the lesson in there that can really inspire other people? Absolutely yeah, that's a great point. I don't know if you saw the interview but, the interviewer looked extremely uncomfortable and hesitant when he was asking, he was kind of building up to answer the questions and I felt like that plus the fact that he was negative, as you were saying.
Like, he was putting it in a negative light instead of trying to bring value as you said earlier to the person and then, I thought he was setting himself up to get slammed by Jr. I'll give you another example that the Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather boxing fight recently. At the end of that fight, there was a reporter from HBO, an American guy and he was interviewing Manny Pacquiao who'd just lost and Manny Pacquiao said that he thought that he'd won the fight.
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The reporter, the journalist was like incredulous at the suggestion. He was like, "You thought you won?! Like, there's no way you won. Is that why you stepped back in the last few rounds. Now, that reporter, he could have still had his opinion that there was no that Manny Pacquiao could have thought that he'd won but, he could have asked the questions without the tonality and asked it in a much nicer softer way which would have made for a much better interview. Instead of saying, "What you thought you won? He could have been like, "Oh, you thought you'd won? So, what made you think that? What made you feel that? Yeah absolutely, that's a great example on tonality also.
Are there any big take-aways you took from relating I don't know many years, a couple of James swanwick dating expert andi Was it a couple of years, three years you were basically going in celebrity circles, meeting a lot of them? Did you take any I mean, it really just made me become a great questioner, ask great questions of people. What's a crap question? Let me just put this in context, okay? My job when I was sitting down with these celebrities, I had 20 minutes on most occasions to interview them and the magazines I was writing for all wanted me to extract personal comments about them.
For example when I interviewed Angelina Jolie for the movie The Changeling inthey wanted me to ask her about Brad Pitt and her kids and her children. Actually, it wasn't about Brad Pitt at the time, I think that relationship became later but, they wanted me to ask her about her kids. The publicist had said, "No personal questions. Of course I'm going to ask them personal questions. So instead of She walked in, she introduced herself and I said, "Hi. Why do you keep adopting children? What's the purpose of that?
Instead what I said was, "So, in this movie Changeling, you play a mother whose son goes missing. Just a really traumatic event for a woman. You, yourself are a mother. How do you think, you would feel and how do you think you would act if something like that happened to you? Now, that's a great question because, it requires more than a yes or no answer, it requires her to think, it requires her to talk about her feelings, it requires her to dig deep within herself to imagine a scenario and how she would play that out. Angelina Jolie, her response to my question was to give me about three or four minutes of quotes about her children and at that time, she hadn't spoken about her child Maddox or her adopted children at great length, only a little bit.
And she went on and on and one That's why I have security teams around me and when I went to Africa last year and I was there and I was meeting all these children, it was such a beautiful experience and if any of my children would ever be taken, then, I would just absolutely move heaven and earth to try and find them and I would do this. Sometimes fans come up to us in the street and I worry about it and I have to get more security detail. I don't want my security detail there. I want to live my own life but, I have to. I asked a good question. I asked a question that was open-ended that asked her to describe a feeling and it was sympathetic and empathetic and it was friendly.
And it related to what she wanted as well which was the promotion of the film. And it related exactly to what she wanted which was to promote her film. So whenever you're connecting to anyone, to any human being, find out what interests them. What are they passionate about? Then, move heaven and earth to try and get that person excited to talk about what they're interested in and try and find the part of it that you're interested in because, you don't want to just sit back and go Like, if you're meeting someone who's into chess and you couldn't give a rat's ass about chess and you find that boring, you don't want to sit there for 10 minutes while someone craps on about chess but, if you ask a question like, "Why do you love chess so much?
Was there a moment where you were losing chess and all of a sudden you fought back to win? What was going on in your mind? What was going on in your head when you were down and out and seemingly, you were going to lose? What did that trigger in your mind to be able to come out of that? Now, the conversation is not about chess. It's about getting up when you're down even though the guy who's talking to you is talking about chess. So, it's finding those commonalities. It's finding those themes where two people can connect. And as you said, you can do it with anything because, you took an object, in this chess How does it related to the human experience?
Absolutely, yeah. And everyone can relate to that. We're all humans, everyone can related to a story about being down and out and fighting back. Everyone can relate to heartbreak. My podcast I've got a podcast in iTunes called the James Swanwick Show anyone who has been listening to my show regularly will know that I talk about how a Columbian woman broke my heart in and it left me devastated for a year. I'm walking through the streets and just down and depressed. Why do I share that story? I'm a grown man. Most men instinctively would not want to share that story but, I do and you know why I do? Because people connect to that story because, everyone's had their heart broken.
Every man has felt pain over a woman. Every woman has felt over a man and so, when I share that story, people connect with me. I have a challenge called the Day No Alcohol Challenge. I quit alcohol five and a half years ago. I never drank heavily. I just drank enough that I had bit of a beer belly and I was a bit hung over. At my website, there's a video of me talking about my story of when I quit drinking. It's at www. When I was posing for the photo, I was sucking my gut in because, I was so embarrassed standing next to one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood and I'm 30 pounds overweight with a big Marshmallow Man face and double chin.
I share that story. In fact, if you want to see the photo of my with Jennifer Aniston and see how my fat face, just got to www. But, I share that story because, it connects to people because, everyone can feel what it's like to feel awkward or insignificant or inferior around someone else. I don't make out my life to be perfect and great amazing. One other thing I'd say here, which is a great way to connect with people is talk about your failures. Be open about them. Be honest about them. Say, "I messed up. I was heartbroken. I made a mistake. I lost all my money. I blew out, I got 30 pounds overweight" because, everyone's made a mistake and when you admit your mistakes and you talk about your pain and your suffering and all that kind of stuff, people can connect to you because, everyone's gone through the same thing.
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Swanwick dating expert andi James
What Will the Future Look Like? How to Get Anyone to Respond to You August 15, Getting a response from ando is going to be key to your accomplishing almost anything that you may want expsrt accomplish in life. And often, Why Would You Quit Alcohol? How and Why to be More Sociable: I wanted to start experf mini-series with Dai Manuel because we zwanwick a very similar story, both from Vancouver, into personal development, health wellness epert he was the connector to many of the people that made my month in Bali so awesome I met at his MENtorship Mens Group. Follow diamanuel on instagram with his 30K followers and links to his websites and programs on his 10K fan page Dai Manuel: Your Lifestyle Mentor as he always puts out awesome content.
So stay tuned, subscribed and if you know anyone else that would be a great guest on the show, please connect us. Phil, The Today Show, Tyra Banks and many more main stream media publications who made millions of dollars running his dating coaching companies. We also talk about what to look for in a potential long term relationship and how to keep the attraction going for long periods of time. Here is clip of his Dr. I have always wanted to meet him but I always seem to come up empty-handed. Surprising in this day and age! If you know how to find people, I would appreciate any help. Here is the only information I have: